


Always

by onebizarrekai



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: M/M, Short Story, all the snuggles, only soft and gay in this house, takes place during heaven's arena arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:35:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22134883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onebizarrekai/pseuds/onebizarrekai
Summary: Killua has a nightmare. Gon is just being Gon.
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 10
Kudos: 201





	Always

Killua woke up in a cold sweat. He gasped for breath, clenching at the sheets of the bed. He was certain that he had shouted something based on past incidents, although he couldn’t remember what it was. Whatever it was, he hoped that it hadn’t been too loud, and hadn’t alerted any undesirable attention.

He exhaled slowly, trying to clear the unwanted thoughts from his mind. For the umpteenth time he was flashing back to that time at the ending moments of the Hunter Exam with his brother–his _insufferable asshole_ of a brother–and that stupid, wrong garbage that he spewed from his vocal hole.

He’d been through copiously worse things than that; what was it about that particular moment that caused it to incessantly haunt him, tax his sleep, and haphazardly fool him into crying like the control he thought he’d developed was some kind of poor delusion?

He tried to breathe, but it wasn’t working out so well for him.

Killua was about to get out of bed to try and do something more attention-claiming than sitting in bed and feeling miserable when the door of his room suddenly burst open, accompanied by the simultaneous sound of a snapping door latch. Killua almost screamed a tier two swear word as he scrambled to the back of the bed when he noticed that it was just Gon, squatting in front of the door and heaving breaths like he had nyoomed over at Sonic Speed.

Killua blinked, his mouth hanging open. “Wh… what are you doing here?” he stammered, holding the top of the quilt. 

Gon took the time to close the door that he had just broken before he turned around and walked to Killua’s bedside, the most serious expression he could manage on his face. He didn’t say anything–he just held his arms out in front of Killua and gave him an expectant look. Killua nervously looked left and right, not moving a muscle.

“Let me give you emotional support,” Gon declared.

“Y–wh–?” Killua sputtered. “Go back to bed, Gon.”

“No,” Gon said. He leaned forward, giving Killua a firm hug. Killua bunched his shoulders up by his neck, spreading his lips into a flat line, not entirely sure how to react. “I heard you wake up and I’m worried and I’m not going anywhere until I know for sure that you’re okay.”

“W…was I that loud?” Killua asked, trying to laugh him off. “I’m okay, seriously.”

Gon sat down next to him, keeping his arms around him and pouting majestically. Killua blinked slowly as Gon pet his fluffy white hair.

Killua wasn’t exactly used to normal, friendly physical contact, and never thought it was something he really needed, but it was unexpectedly pleasant.

“… okay, but really, go back to bed,” Killua told him, rocking somewhat nervously. Gon shook his head.

“Actually…” Gon started, awkwardly scratching his face. “I don’t want to be alone right now either…”

Killua pursed his lips. “What do you mean, either?”

Gon frowned slightly. He put his other arm that he’d removed back around Killua, leaning down next to his stomach. “Can’t I just stay here? Please?”

Killua rolled his eyes. “Dude, you busted the door latch. Now anyone can walk in here and murder us.”

“Wh…whoops?” Gon replied, smiling sheepishly. “I can let you sleep in my room…?”

Killua sighed. “Fine, fine,” he said. “Let me go so I can walk.”

They tip-toed into the halls, Killua peeking around the corners to be certain of no creepers watching from the shadows. Gon was much left tactful, not wasting a moment to be on his way. Killua let out a sigh, shrugging his shoulders as he eased his walking and followed behind him.

After they reached Gon’s identical room, Gon shut the door and immediately tossed himself onto the bed, directly dead center. Killua gave him an exasperated look as he approached the bedside.

“If you fall asleep right now, I’m sitting on you,” Killua told him. Gon mumbled something, rolling to the side and extending an arm before Killua had a chance to direct his attention to the couch instead. “What?”

Gon made a face of thought for just a moment. “… Have you ever snuggled with someone before?” he asked, laying his arm in front of him.

Killua blinked. “I’m sorry– _what_?” he asked.

“My aunt and I used to do it all the time. Then I got older and she said I was too old for it,” Gon said, frowning slightly. “Also I fell asleep outside regularly, but that’s beside the point.”

“Y…you want to _snuggle_ … with _me_? Now?” Killua sputtered, pointing at himself. “Don’t be stupid.”

Gon pouted. “Come on, I think it’ll be nice,” he said. “Please?” His lip trembled solemnly, eyelashes fluttering, hands clasped together in front of him and eyes looking like they were about to well up. Was Killua really going to get out of this?

Killua diverted his gaze, puffing out his cheeks slightly. “I don’t even really know what you mean,” he mumbled. If he looked at Gon for long enough, he may have conceded out of guilt alone.

“I can show you!” Gon declared, his despairing expression gone in an instant. He pulled Killua down by his arms, the other boy letting out a surprised yelp as he stumbled onto the bed and fell forward. Killua lifted himself up, seeing that he had tumbled onto Gon and was lying halfway across his body. Embarrassed, Killua quickly sat up and turned away, but Gon laughed gleefully, pulling him back down by his side.

Killua found his head squarely on Gon’s chest, able to distinctly hear his heart beat. He slowly let go of his tension, taking in the sound and relaxing somewhat into the position.

“See?” Gon told him. “It’s nice.”

“I guess you’re right,” Killua answered softly. The beating was steady, and peaceful… unlike his own, which he was certain was only speeding up, on the contrary.

Gon was warm. Killua didn’t think he had ever really been this close to someone before–at least, in a non-murdery context.

Maybe it was weird how much peace he found in how very much alive Gon was. Killua slowly lifted a hand, bringing it forward and resting it on Gon’s other side.

He was so happy that Gon was alive.

“… can we just like… go to sleep like this?” Killua mumbled under his breath.

When Gon didn’t respond, Killua pursed his lips, raising an eyebrow as he looked up at the other boy. Gon was already asleep, his arms spread on either side of his head. Killua sighed, lying back down.

Well, he didn’t want to move, so he wasn’t going to move. It was unlikely that Gon would mind, either, especially after his suggestions and actions. Killua’s heart rate steadily decreased to normal speeds again as he grew more comfortable in his spot, admittedly enjoying every lasting moment of this unusual prolonged contact.

Gon abruptly shifted slightly, subconsciously reaching one of his hands back over and burying it in Killua’s hair. The white-haired boy blinked, a small chill running down his spine. He started to feel Gon twirling his fingers in his hair, after which his head shot back up.

“Hey, are you even asleep?” Killua asked, squinting. Gon’s hand fell from Killua’s head back to the bed, and he snored softly. Killua spread his lips into a flat line, swearing he was able to sense Gon smiling coyly in spite of the peaceful expression on his face. “Gon, I know you’re awake!”

Gon cracked open an eye. “Was it that obvious?” he asked.

“Yeah, obviously!” Killua answered, rolling his eyes. He squarely planted himself back where he was without hesitation. “Geez, just go to sleep, you dumbass.”

“Can I keep touching your hair? It’s really soft.”

Killua tried to ignore the heat he felt rush to his head, receding into his shoulder to try and hide his embarrassment. “… fine,” he replied as coolly as he could. Gon let out a small, victorious giggle, running his fingers through Killua’s hair.

Killua closed his eyes, left with nothing but the sensation of Gon’s hand gently and slowly brushing through his hair and the sound of Gon’s heartbeat by his ear. An onslaught of unusual comfort, per se, and a comfort that Killua didn’t realize existed.

He didn’t know how long it was before he fell into dreamless sleep.

Next he knew, his eyes were assaulted by bright light. Killua blinked hard, and when his vision cleared up, his and Gon’s position was absolutely nothing like it was when they fell asleep.

Killua sat up, rubbing the corners of his eyes and yawning, grimacing slightly at the taste in his mouth. He noticed that he was sideways on the bed, the comforter that they had fallen asleep on _top_ of was now on the floor, and Gon was lying upside-down on his side with all the pillows. The only thing that was still touching about them was the fact that their legs were tangled up in a mess.

Killua blinked at the clock, and seeing the early hour, let out an apathetic grumble. He looked around suspiciously for a moment, picked the comforter back up, and laid down on his side directly next to Gon, facing him. Killua froze as Gon immediately shifted, blinking his eyes open.

“G’morning, Killua…” he mumbled, somewhat incoherently.

“G…go back to sleep,” Killua told him. “It’s not time to get up yet.”

Gon let out a confused grunt, then shrugged and closed his eyes again, adjusting but not disconnecting their legs. He pulled the comforter that Killua had returned over both of their shoulders.

Killua had intended to go back to sleep, but sleep was failing him as he watched Gon so effortlessly relax in front of him. Gon must have known that Killua hadn’t gone back to sleep because several minutes had passed before he started to speak again.

“We should share rooms more,” Gon said, cracking his eyes open.

Killua blinked before shifting nervously. “… What do you mean?” he asked.

“Falling asleep next to you and waking up next to you is really nice.”

Killua was certain that Gon would see the red on his face this time. Curse his paleness. Curse it.

Gon however, Gon-brained and all, noticed in a very different way. “Are you okay?” he asked, sounding concerned. “Are you sick?” Killua flinched to recoil in embarrassment as Gon reached up and put the back of his hand on Killua’s forehead. “You don’t seem sick…”

Killua grabbed the comforter and pulled it up over his head, briskly turning away and curling up into a ball. “Gon, you’re unbelievable,” he grumbled.

Gon pushed himself up slightly, leaning over Killua. “Whaat? Why, what did I do?” he asked, putting his hand on Killua’s shoulder.

“Be an idiot,” Killua answered. “You’re a clueless, wholesome idiot.”

Gon shook him slightly. “Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?” he asked. “I just wanna make sure you’re okay.”

Killua let out a huff of air, throwing the covers off of him and sitting up. He inhaled sharply. “Idiot,” he repeated playfully, pressing his finger against the bridge of Gon’s nose, getting a whine out of the other boy. “Of course I’m okay.”

Gon pouted. “Are you sure? Because I would do anything to help,” he said.

_Then kiss me._

Killua did a double take at his own thoughts. He cleared his throat, aggressively dismissing them. Gon seemed to notice his discontent, cocking an eyebrow.

“Just don’t worry about it,” Killua grumbled, turning over and throwing the comforter over his head. Gon pursed his lips, sliding under the covers and scooting up behind the other boy. Killua stiffened up as Gon scooted behind him, putting his arm around his waist and holding him snugly. Killua sighed. “Gon, what are you doing…”

“I don’t see why there’s a need to bother asking that question anymore,” Gon answered, the tone in his voice implying there was absolutely no way he was changing his mind at this point.

Killua let out a small squeak as he felt Gon curiously press his fingers carefully over the fabric of his shirt. “H-hey,” he sounded.

Gon jolted slightly. “Ah, sorry,” he apologized quickly, stopping. “I’ve uh… I’ve just never been in this kind of situation before, and it’s really surreal.”

“… Yeah…” Killua mumbled. He wanted to turn around. He really wanted to turn around. He wanted to look at Gon’s dumb face, stop being flustered, and regain his formal title as the cool and calm one. 

He took a deep breath, dedicated to regaining his pride, and whirled around, planting himself face to face with Gon, their heads parallel on the bed. Gon blinked, his arm still around Killua, making unwavering eye contact. Killua, on the other hand, was realizing how much of a terrible idea that was. Yet, he didn’t move, and they simply stared into each other’s eyes for several long moments.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Gon asked, suddenly breaking the silence.

_The fact that I am less than a foot from your face and all of its qualities thereof._ “Nothing, really,” Killua answered. “Just, uh… wondering how I can get myself to stop having these stupid nightmares.”

Not a very good topic diversion. Gon frowned, giving Killua a fairly sad look. “I don’t know to help with that,” he said. “But I’ll always be here for when they do happen. And I’ll squeeze them out of you.”

“… Always?” Killua asked.

“Absolutely always,” Gon affirmed. “I promise.”

Killua smiled weakly. He closed his eyes, leaning a tad closer as he curled up just slightly. “That’s such a lengthy promise.”

“Well, once I squeeze them out enough, they won’t happen anymore,” Gon told him. “But however long that takes, I’ll be there to do it. I’ll even pinky swear on it.”

Killua cracked open an eye, raising an eyebrow. “Pinky swear? Are you like, five?” he asked, laughing softly.

Despite Killua’s comment, Gon took Killua’s hand in his own, interlacing their pinkies. “It is done,” he said. Killua snorted. “On Whale Island, we take our pinky swears very seriously. There’s like this whole extra step.”

“What do you mean?” Killua asked, letting out an amused huff of air.

“You lift up your thumbs like this…” Gon started, holding his thumb up from the position their hands were in, “… and seal it with a kiss.”

Killua choked on air as their thumbs touched. “What kind of tradition is that?” he asked. _To me it just sounds like the culture on your island requires people to make excessive promises with each other due to not trusting each other enough to follow through with the things they say._ Killua had enough of a soul to not let those words escape his mouth. “If the thumbs are the mouths, does that make the pinkies the arms or the legs?”

Gon let out a hum. “I dunno. I never really thought about it,” he replied, scratching his face. “Maybe they’re the arms.”

“Dude, wouldn’t it be cooler to do something like that with your arms, then?” Killua asked. “Like… like this.”

He lifted up his arm in front of him. Gon’s mouth shaped into a distinctive O, and he, much too excitedly, lifted up his own arm and they linked in front of them. “You’re right,” he said. “That’s so much cooler.” He paused, blinking a few times before emitting something of an embarrassed stutter. “Wait… wh…what about the other part?”

Killua spread his lips into a flat line. “Uh,” he started, realizing what he’d gotten himself into. “I mean…”

“I, uh,” Gon stammered, able to produce a similar amount of words. “I’ve never kissed anyone before.”

Gon didn’t seem to be considering the fact that he could just consciously decide to avoid that part, but there he was, entertaining the thought like it wasn’t that weird and Killua was not sure how to feel about it.

“Wait, wait–” Killua said, holding a hand up. “Are… are you sure you want to do that?”

Gon put a finger on his chin. “I mean, I don’t think I’d have any problems with kissing you. I like you a lot.”

How the ever living _hell_ did Gon’s brain work. He had no filter. He was just pure, unadulterated ingenuousness.

Killua was surprised beyond belief, his mouth hanging open slightly as just how little care Gon threw those words out with. His mind whirled as he tried to find a plausible point of focus, but he couldn’t find one, only able to think about the boy in front of him admitting virtually out of the blue that he would be completely okay with kissing him, and the fact that something swelled in his chest when Gon said those words.

Killua didn’t know what the feeling was. Was it fear? Was it joy? He couldn’t tell. Whatever it was, Killua wanted to shut his brain off and stop thinking about it, whatever that might entail.

Gon nervously scratched the back of his head. “Was that a weird thing to say?” he asked. “You look… a little shook.” 

Gon paused when he saw that Killua had almost unconsciously reached a hand towards his chest, placing it there softly. Everything slowed down as Killua leaned closer and closer, against all odds, and his eyes fluttered shut. Gon realized what was happening, edging closer as his fingers pressed just slightly against Killua’s back, and closed his eyes as well.

Their mouths touched so softly it was like it had barely happened. They both opened their eyes, and reality hit Killua like a ton of bricks. He threw himself back around to face the other way, screeching in embarrassment. Gon would have reacted sooner, but he was busy being entranced by the fact that Killua had kissed him _first_.

“Hey, wait, come back!” Gon declared, throwing himself over the blanket blob that was Killua. “I want to try that again!”

Killua shifted under the comforter. “You can’t make me come back out!” he answered, curling up tighter. Gon put both hands on the blob and shook him.

Gon pursed his lips as Killua refused to concede. He started to push him to the side, Killua letting out disgruntled whines as he did so. Gon shouted dramatically, shoving Killua off the bed, the other boy screaming in the process and landing in a heap on the floor.

Killua rose from the blanket heap, standing and staring at Gon with blank, wide eyes, the blanket hanging over his head. Gon looked around nervously before looking back at Killua and shrugging, only for Killua to wordlessly pounce on him like he was ready to commit suffer. Gon squeaked, Killua landing squarely on him and now armed with a pillow that Gon didn’t remember him having a second earlier.

“Prepare for destruction,” Killua declared, holding the pillow above his head. Gon screamed softly, holding his arms in front of his face. “This is your first and only chance to surrender.”

“Ahh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Gon wheezed in between laughs. “I won’t ask again if you don’t want!”

Killua stopped, lowering the pillow. He held it with both hands for a moment. He looked up and down, noticing that he was, in fact, now sitting directly on Gon’s waist. Gon tilted his head slightly, noticing that Killua seemed to be thinking about something as Killua clearly tried to suppress his resurfacing embarrassment.

“Killua?” Gon said, his laughs falling into a more concerned expression.

“No…” Killua started, putting the pillow down next to him. “That’s not it.”

Gon stared blankly, a confused sound escaping his mouth. Killua decided that he didn’t give a damn anymore and leaned down in a swift movement, shoddily planting his lips against Gon’s. Very shoddily. Gon let out a distinctive “mmf” as it happened, his brain catching up a few seconds late before he proceeded to try and kiss back, but neither of them had any idea what they were doing or what to do so it was just generally very awkward.

Killua backed away, furrowing his brow slightly in thought. “Was that how it’s supposed to be?” he asked.

Gon shrugged his shoulders. “I wouldn’t know,” he replied. “I guess we could keep trying.”

Killua gave him a suspicious look. “Are you trying to be smooth or are you just really dense?”

Gon blinked. “What?”

“… Never mind. I’m trying again.”

“Okay.”

One more try became two, two became three, and three became four. It wasn’t until then that it started to remotely resemble a respectable kiss, which was probably spectacular progress, considering the fact that they were literally twelve.

“… Hey, Gon?” Killua started, watching the other from his spot above him. Gon had been patiently complying to the last five minutes with zero sign of qualm.

“What?” Gon asked, tilting his head slightly.

“I think the only reason this happened is… is because…” Killua started to stammer. He pursed his lips, sitting down and planting himself upright as he averted his gaze. “Because I… have that thing where someone… where you like…”

Gon smiled innocently. “It’s okay, Killua! Being gay isn’t a condition at all! It’s perfectly normal!”

Killua choked on air. “I was JUST going to say I like you!”

Gon scratched his face. “I figured that out, at least,” he said. Killua buried his face in his hands, grumbling to himself in embarrassment. “It’s still okay. I like you too.”

Killua peeked through his hands. “How do I know you’re not just saying that?” he asked. “No offense, but that sounds like something you would just say.”

Gon narrowed his eyes. He let out a squeak of sorts, throwing his arms out to his sides. “I let you kiss me for five minutes straight! What do you think?” he asked. “When we walk around together, I sometimes think to myself, ‘I want to hold Killua’s hand’, but then I don’t do it because I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable.”

Killua’s cheeks gradually exploded into red. He let out a tiny screech, pulling the neck of his shirt up and hiding his head inside his shirt, putting his arms over it. “Gon, you’re an idiot,” he whined. “A huge idiot. I would stop functioning if you ever held my hand like that and we’d both die.”

Gon frowned slightly. “Okay, then I won’t.”

Killua pulled his head back out of his shirt. “No! You _should_!”

Gon opened his mouth, lifting a finger. He closed his mouth again, spreading his lips into a flat line for a moment. “… Okay?” He let out a small hum. “Killua, I think you’re really tired.”

“I’m tired and _gay_!” Killua squawked, rolling over and curling up into a ball next to the other boy. Gon gave him several gentle pats on the back, turning on his side to face him. Killua looked up at him as he felt the warmth of Gon’s hand on top of one of his own in front of him. Gon was smiling brightly, and this time not even Killua’s embarrassment could motivate him to look away.

“Try to sleep a little longer, all right?” Gon told him. He reached for the comforter again, pulling it back over them both before setting his hand in such a place that they could interlace their fingers. “I’ll be right here to beat up any bad dreams that try to sneak up on you.”

Killua couldn’t help but smile back at him. He laughed softly, closing his eyes as he tightened his grip on Gon’s hand. “Of course you will.”

“Wait. Wait, don’t go to sleep yet.”

Killua blinked his eyes open. “What?”

Gon leaned forward and gave him a brief but firm kiss. It made a distinctive noise as it broke apart. “There, now you can sleep.”

Killua started to lean back towards him. “… Wait.”

Gon failed to suppress a snort. “Killua–“ Before he could finish what he was going to say, Killua slipped a hand behind his head and brought their lips together again. Gon kept trying to lean away, but despite his protests, Killua refused to acquiesce. Among Gon’s giggling, he was able to interject. “ _Sleep_!”

Killua let out a grumble. “Fine, fine,” he said, setting his weight back down and resuming the position they were in before. He closed his eyes again, curling very close to their interlaced hands.

The closeness had evolved from something unknown to something that he never wanted to lose in a much shorter time than he had expected it to.

“… can I say I love you?” he heard Gon ask quietly.

“… Mmm.”

“I love you, Killua.”

Killua took a moment to give him a soft smile, keeping his eyes closed. “… Love you too.”


End file.
